The final years I spent feeding my addictions and poisoning my spirit, were agonizing in ways that I cannot describe here. The emotional pain was ongoing and intense. Guilt, remorse, depression and despair became the entire world for a time. While working at the shipyard, the visible consequences of my self-destructive lifestyle were not apparent to the outside world, at least as far as I could tell. Like cracks in a public sidewalk that no one notices until they’re big enough to trip on, my disintegration began on the inside and worked its way outward with only minimal cracks appearing on the surface, at first. The party had just begun, and I was the guy who started it, so I wasn’t about to go home yet. Being young and foolish, I didn’t know that every bit of the pain to come, was entirely avoidable. We create our own realities. Had I known this then, I might have slipped the trap before the door slammed shut behind me. Those were pitiful times on the journey, but the lessons I’ve learned have made me one of the most grateful souls you’ll ever meet. At the beginning of this blog, on the very first post, I wrote about being sincerely grateful for the most painful hardships of my life. Living through my late teens and early twenties was a major victory for me, and for that I am grateful. I was convinced that I would not make it to thirty years of age.
Tomorrow, I will write about the first out-of-body prophetic vision that I’ve had. After that post, I’ll lighten the mood, by sharing some of the best experiences of this incredible journey. Things are about to get hyper-realistic up in here.