During the second night of my new job in the warehouse, I crossed the threshold of being a dedicated company employee and passed deep into the territory of being a foolish steward of my own sacred temple (body). I was now suffering from heat exhaustion. When I left the warehouse last Tuesday at midnight, I remember thinking I would be okay, everything would be okay, I just need to get home and get a good night’s sleep. Well, it didn’t turn out that way. When I crawled into bed after a cool shower, I was so disoriented, nauseous and dehydrated that I never really had a chance at getting even a few hours of sound and restful sleep. Instead, I just kept rolling around, trying to find the magic position that would ease the throbbing in my overheated head and body. I barely slept that night. On Wednesday I tried to recuperate some energy and hydration by drinking as much water and electrolyte sports drinks as I could stomach. Having cut way back on my sugar intake during the past few years, I needed to seek out something other than Gatorade or any of its overly sweet sports drink lookalikes. I’ve learned quite a bit recently about how to take care of my physical health, and that makes last week’s unhealthy decisions even more upsetting. I should not have gone in on Wednesday night, but again, I did.
“Angry Eyes” from the Hope Mill collection
When I arrived at work on Wednesday, I was well prepared with lots of water and energy drinks, pain medications, and the types of food that my intuition told me I could handle without feeling nauseous. But the one thing that really made a difference was that my outlook and attitude had changed between the moment I fell into bed the previous night and 3:30 PM the following day. Somewhere during those hours, I saw through the conditioned insanity of my wage worker mindset. I had been trying to prove myself to the company and all of my new coworkers, and I’d even been trying to prove to myself that I still possessed the physical prowess I once had, and meanwhile I had somehow forgotten to take care of the physical body that I had been using like a machine to try to prove myself. I am so grateful to be able to recognize the madness in some of my behaviors these days. It took me many years to see with any kind of clarity, the dysfunctional and self-defeating qualities of my own actions and intentions. For me, it has always been extremely helpful to write through the issues I’m up against, so once they are laid out before me, I can pour over them, looking for the moment where my thoughts began to lead me astray. I have almost entirely recovered as I’m writing this today. I’m still feeling some lingering adverse effects from the partially self-inflicted illness which came on a week ago. It looks as though I’ll be continuing on down the winding pathway in this wonderful journey, we call life!
“The Path” 2011 by Scott Joseph Moore
To finish off this exploration into the irrationalities of my own self-defeating behaviors, I would like to make an attempt to move to a higher level of self-care. I’ll do this by touching on the other situation that happened toward the end of last week (the one involving family). Here’s the gist of it. A member of my family, someone that I’ve grown to love and respect, made a series of unhealthy choices and ended up in the hospital. It was a motor vehicle accident. As you would expect, there were attempts at denial and the shifting of blame by this family member, even from the hospital bed, but it was obvious to everyone around this person, that the bulk of the responsibility for what happened was on their shoulders alone. How does this relate to my story about suffering from heat exhaustion? Because we both knew in our hearts that we were making these unhealthy choices, and yet we made them anyway. We can offer ourselves as much self-worth as we want. We can tell ourselves that we are as worthy as anyone else. We can even fool ourselves into believing that we are more worthy than others. But at the end of each moment, we can only accept the amount of self-worth that we’re feeling we deserve.
Fresh Perspectives Harvested ~ Part 3 – In Conclusion
I rely on my intuition to guide me in matters of introspection and personal reflection. When my body, mind and spirit are in agreement concerning any new learning experience I’ve gone through, my intuition informs me that it is time to reflect holistically on that particular experience. Subsequently, I’ll often journal those reflections while remaining focused on any changes of perspective, and any new behaviors or actions I’ve initiated as a result of those changes in perspective. Some experiences take more time than others to process internally. The experience of working my body to the point of heat exhaustion for minimal reward, has been one of those experiences. My intuition will often need to remind me that it takes as long as it takes to work my way through an issue or experience. Through personal growth, I’ve learned not to rush the internal processes, nor try to force my body, mind or spirit to give up the proverbial goods before all three have achieved a harmonious balance. The common misstep of rushing to conclusions usually leaves me dissatisfied and displeased with my own performance in moving beyond the experience, and eventually, I imagine it could deprive me of food for the soul to the point of spiritual starvation. When any one of us sends out our intentions and then follows through with the actions required to bring them to fruition, we are not only influencing the direction of our own life trajectory, but we are also bringing change to the lives of those within our sphere of conscious influence. Intuition has informed me that it is currently time to finalize the internal processes and bring to an end the self-discussion of my experience with heat exhaustion in the here and now.
Work Before Play (1984)
In the first journal entry on this subject, I implied that the reasoning behind the acceptance of this menial labor job was complicated, and in fact, maybe it did appear to be complicated then. Now that I’ve processed the experience, I know that my reasoning was quite simple and easy to describe, but I was merely evading the self-worth issues involved, by attempting to dismiss them as complications. The problem with that strategy is that it affords very little potential for positive growth. With my intentions now set on laying this whole thing to rest, I’ll start with the simple reasons that I applied for this job.
I physically moved from Allentown to Savannah less than two months ago, but I had been searching for, and applying to, a number of jobs in this area since early June. For whatever reasons, the companies I’ve applied to were not responding to my applications. My ego kept trying to sell me on the idea that I was too old to be of use as an employee and that these companies were passing me by in search of younger bodies. While it is true that age discrimination exists, I prefer to live happily in the self-delusion that it does not apply to me. I like to imagine that I know my physical capabilities well enough that employers will be compelled to perceive my strengths simply by reading the confidence expressed in the cover letter I’ve attached to the resume. I know, laugh out loud, right? The other, more likely scenario, and this one has actually been brought up during recent interviews, is that I am overqualified for the positions I’m applying to. I’m inclined to believe that this is the issue that I’ve been up against, and if it has been, I had not previously been able to achieve clarity on what strategy to take in order to circumvent it. During the past fifteen years I’ve worked in an extremely specialized industry, namely the fine art sculpture casting industry. I’ve reached a high level of expertise in sculpting, molding, casting and finishing fine art sculpture. During the planning stages of making the move from PA to GA, I conducted a number of searches for sculpture production facilities in or near Savannah. Those searches were unsuccessful. So, while many of the skillsets involved in sculpture production are directly transferable to a wide range of design and manufacturing positions, they are so specific to the industry, that they are also a mystery to the majority of employers who are considering my employment. One way that I’ve attempted to resolve this issue is to pursue job positions that I perceive to be related to the skillsets and level of expertise that I’ve acquired, while also requiring that I upgrade my skills to include the specific range of expertise for the new position. To many, this may seem like a reasonable solution to my dilemma, but it falls short when I include the purpose of my moving to Savannah in the first place. I came here with the specific intention to attend a graduate program at the Savannah College of Art and Design starting in the fall of next year. It would be entirely deceitful for me to approach an employer under the premise that I am interested in learning the specific skills of their trade, with intentions to become a valuable employee, when I know from the start that I would not be there long enough for their training investment to pay off. There was a time in my life when I was willfully dishonest, but thankfully those days are far behind me. My moral compass is now set on a course toward progressive growth and healthy choices. I will continue to experience setbacks, I’m sure, but each time I recover from a setback I’ll expect to attain a clearer vision of the pathway ahead.
Myrtle Beach 2011
When I made the decision to apply to this warehouse job through a staffing agency, I did so with a few simple principles in mind. First, I concluded that a temp agency was the way to go because I was only committing short term. That, after all, is the nature of a temporary work assignment. Second, I wanted a position that was primarily dependent on my physical body with very little thought involved. I reasoned that I could use the bulk of my intellectual energies towards journaling every day, continuing my creative pursuits in growing the Alt Unity, and in making manifest the Grand Providentia Projection. And the last consideration, one that was primarily subconscious, but also of equal importance, was that I wanted to remain completely available and able to cut ties quickly in the event that one of the preferred employers that I had applied to earlier were to call on me to commit. Here is where synchronicity stepped in to validate my reasoning. Last Thursday, during my second week at the warehouse, I was contacted by the Savannah College of Art and Design, regarding an application I had submitted back in June. Following an initial phone interview with a staff recruiter from the college, I am feeling quite confident that this position would be ideal for forward movement on all fronts. I’ve not heard back from the college yet, but I know through experience that if it is meant to be, it will be. When I hung up the phone at the end of the interview, I immediately began to prepare for the possibility that SCAD would offer me the position. My first thoughts were concerned with my current residential location with regards to its proximity to the college. The SCAD campus is spread throughout the beautiful Historic District of Savannah, housed in a number of significant historic buildings in that area. It was my first choice to find a room to rent in the district, but I was unable to find a suitable room that was affordable within my budget. Right now, I’m located about twenty minutes away from the Savannah Historic District, so I am hopeful that an offer from the college might open the door to opportunity, making it possible for me to live in that vicinity. Between the time I finished the interview on Thursday afternoon and Saturday morning, I was putting out intentions based on my desire to live in the Historic District. And on Saturday morning the Universe cooperated again! My current roommate approached me with the offer to move out and follow her to another apartment complex that was about ten miles further away from the site of the college. She told me that she was dissatisfied with the apartment we were living in, and she wanted to move back to the complex where she had previously resided. Two aspects of her offer were problematic for me, and I knew by the time she finished her pitch that I would not be able to accept. Being aware and present in the moment that she was asking me, was key to my seeing the two issues so clearly. I could not imagine relocating further away from the place that I had intended to move toward, and I also couldn’t go along with her intentions to go back to a place where she had previously been. So now, I’ve begun the search for a new home closer to my heart’s desire!
For those of you who took the time, and had the patience, to read through this trilogy of entries based on my experiences during the past two weeks, I am sincerely grateful for your presence! Hopefully, now that I’m recovered from the self-inflicted illness, I’ll be able to get back to a steadier routine of writing on this site. Thank you for reading here!
Accept It or Not, You Are Part of the Human Community
Whenever I make an honest appraisal of my earliest memories from childhood, one theme that always emerges is a powerful desire to belong. That single desire has remained at the forefront of my earthly persona until this present moment. I have always felt a compelling desire to belong to something that is more than just me. And it isn’t only a desire for connection with other people, although that makes up the bulk of it, it is also a desire for a failproof connection with the Source of Life itself. As you might expect, I had an instinctual need for human connection when I was a baby, and I’ll assume that is a natural and common need for most human children, but I hadn’t even begun to understand my desire for meaningful connections with others. And beyond that, I had no understanding, or even a clue, about having a desire for connection with Source. I’ll assume that is also a commonality we humans share. The focus of this discussion, and I’m hoping it will become a Bonafide discussion, one where readers add commentary, is our desire for connection (unity) with each other. Why do we create communities?
From the moment we’re born we make contact with other human beings. Our physical interaction with others begins at the moment we emerge from the womb. Even if it is only our mother who is present at our birth, we are inevitably touched by human hands. For some of us, those hands are warm and nurturing, while others are greeted by uncaring hands, and in the worst-case scenario, they are the hands of cruelty. Whatever the circumstances of our birth, we are physically reliant on help from others if we are to survive past infancy. It seems as though our instinctual drive to belong to a group of others is an evolutionary feature of being human. It’s part of our genetic makeup that recognizes our physical vulnerabilities and addresses them by giving us the inborn instinct to belong. The desire to belong comes from an entirely different place; It comes from a place of individual preferences. It is the sum-total biases of every interaction we’ve had with others until this present moment. If we’ve learned that we can’t trust other people, then it is likely that we won’t have a desire to connect with them. If we’ve come to the conclusion that human beings are compassionate and willing to lend us a helping hand, then we are more likely to desire their company. Whatever interactions we’ve had with others, and however those various interactions may have colored our preferences in terms of wanting to belong or not, we can still learn to rely on our intuition when it comes to allowing or disallowing other people’s access to our personal lives. In effect, we can choose our own tribe.
At Moore Art Expressions we shared an unspoken understanding that we were all working together to create a successful commercial art business. And we had a whole lot of fun, even when we were dismembering the bodies of sculptural humans to prepare them for molding.
Thank you for stopping in to read! I’ll continue to explore the theme of unity for the rest of this week. Please feel free to comment with your thoughts on this subject, or any other, for that matter!
Below is a link to the Moore Art Expressions FB page. I closed the business in 2019 in search of greener (more profitable) creative pastures. I cherish the memories of S.M.art Castings & Sculpture Services, LLC and Moore Art Expressions but I still believe that I made the right decision when I chose to leave the business of commercial sculpture.
“Grand Providentia Projections” update – Originally published in September 2022
This is not a question that I’ve posed with any personal angst attached to it. As in, ‘OMG, what have I done?’. No, this is basically a self-inquiring question that I need to externalize the answers to through the act of writing them down. It is a question that I’ll begin to answer today and finish answering, well, maybe never. It may help some readers of this blog to understand what I’ve done mentally, physically and spiritually in the recent past to keep things moving forward. I’ll describe some of the actions I’ve taken, decisions I’ve made, and dreams I’ve conjured to continue moving toward the realization of the grand dream that I’ve been working to manifest for the past fifteen years. To catch some of you up, the grand dream is to bring conscious awareness of, and attract membership to, the Alt Unity. As the Alt Unity grows, through its creative collaborations and collective conscious intentions, the Grand Providentia Projection will be made manifest. And while the Alt Unity is in the process of manifesting the GPP, we will concurrently produce a rolling factual documentary that is focused on our efforts. Simultaneously, we will also be creating a fictional account (past, present and future) that will tell an imaginative, surrealistic story based on our real-world efforts. As each of the storylines unfold, the factual and the fictional will be brought together and united as one, thus creating the ultimate production of “A True Story, as Yet Unfolding…” So, in answer to the question – What have I done? I will tell you what I’ve done, and what I’ve been doing, during the recent months of practicing presence in the moment of now.
Jim Thorpe, PA – Tybee Island, GA
I decided back in January of 2022, to pursue a graduate degree (MFA), majoring in film and television, at the Savannah College of Art & Design in Savannah, GA. Having received my undergraduate degree (BFA), majoring in computer animation, from the Ringling College of Art & Design in Sarasota, FL, I thought that this would be a fitting way to culminate my career in the field of visual arts. After all, much of what I’d learned at Ringling College is directly applicable to the design and production of film projects. Early in the process of applying to SCAD, I realized that I was missing one critical tool that I would need to buy, if I could even hope to be accepted into the program. You see, one of the requirements for the application is a portfolio film reel (maximum ten minutes long). So, I knew I needed to get my hands on a high-quality camera to shoot the portfolio reel. I have to confess that I almost allowed fear to defeat me before I ever got started. I had a very minimal understanding of film cameras at the time, so I was intimidated by them, but then I thought back to when I entered the computer animation program at Ringling, and I remembered having absolutely no experience with computers. Whether it’s a camera, a computer, a calculator or a clock, you can’t expect to understand how to use it until you get some experience by using it. It took me a couple of months to gather the money to get it, but get it, I did. For any camera enthusiasts out there, it’s the Blackmagic Design Pocket Cinema 4K.
The model is considered a good option for beginner filmmakers and students of film, but it is not a professional level camera. Of course, buying the camera was just the beginning. I needed to purchase all sorts of other accessories, like lenses, tripods, lavalier microphones, camera bags and digital storage devices. During the six months following my decision to return to school, I was intently focused on making the logistical arrangements to move from Allentown, PA to Savannah GA, but I was also starting production on the portfolio film that I needed for SCAD. Before moving south, I made a trip north to Hope, Rhode Island, to shoot my very first film clips for the portfolio film which I titled “Return to Hope” when it is was completed. The film features the Hope Mill in its current deteriorated state, but the overall theme of the film is decidedly positive. I’ll give a more detailed description of “Return to Hope” in one of my future blog entries. I’ll end this entry with a logistical announcement: On August 1st, I arrived in Savannah, and on the second attempt I found a roommate situation in a shared apartment that works for both me and my roomie. I’m quite comfortable here in Georgia and I especially love the historic district of Savannah (that’s where the college is located). Below is a link to the finished portfolio film “Return to Hope”.
One other announcement: I started a podcast as a companion site to this blog. I’ve only posted two short episodes so far, but I’ve really enjoyed the process of producing them. There will be many more episodes to come. Including video podcasts, as well.https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/scott-joseph-moore/episodes
Harmony is crouched, fingers clenched tightly to the cold metallic rim of the observation port. She is completely transfixed by what she’s seeing. She snatches a passing thought, ‘What is happening right now is not as simple as seeing, this is more akin to witnessing.’ And what she’s witnessing, is so far outside the realm of her previous experience, that she can only relate to it as being too far out there, way beyond the border of any run of the mill spiritual revelation. Harmony’s eyes are most certainly sending signals to her brain, but her brain seems to be rejecting those signals, one after the other, and without exception. She feels as though her mind is stuttering. Her brain is refusing to generate a coherent description of the visual information as it is being received. Her mind feels overwhelmed, overtaxed, overheated. Harmony fires out a desperate prayer that she won’t pass out. And then… She does.
Total blackness, and then, two pinpoints of light. They’re polychromatic and they appear to be at arm’s length. Or they could be miles away, like automobile headlights on a dark horizon. The lights don’t seem to be getting closer though, instead they are spreading outward, and fast. The pinpoints become dots and the dots become disks, the disks expand until they collide, integrate, and wash over her field of vision. And all at once, as if she had never lost consciousness, Harmony finds herself crouched, in the same position she had been, her white-knuckled hands, aching, her wide-open eyes still mesmerized by the dazzling light show before her. The waves of spectral color seem to be infiltrating, melding with, and extricating themselves from the molecular matter of the ceramic-clad surface on the inside of the energy containment tank. Almost as if the entire inner lining of the tank is one enormous cuttlefish. Harmony has looked through the viewport on this tank thousands of times over the past five years, always hoping to see some sign of success; some indication of stored energy. She suddenly realizes that she might have given up hope for success long ago, just as many of her friends, and most of her family, had given up on her. What she was now witnessing was so much more than redemption, so much more than success. This was indisputably miraculous!
Author’s note: As an integral part of the “True Story, as Yet Unfolding…”, the previous scene should be considered fictional creative writing. It is but one element of the continuous documentary we will be producing through the Alt Unity. While we should consider it fiction for now, I have an uncanny feeling that it may migrate to the factual side once the Grand Providentia Projection is underway.
grandprovidentiaunited.blog 