While cooking eggs this morning, I was blindsided by a sudden and glaring self-awareness. A passing thought brought with it an unavoidable wake-up call. It was a thought that screamed ‘You are living your life like a fugitive! Stop this immediately!’. My shaking hand nearly dropped the spatula fully loaded with hash browns. I wanted to protest, but I knew I was toast. In truth, I knew that I was beyond toast. I was a burned piece of stale bread in the trash. There was no defense to offer. The case had closed as soon as it was opened. In a vision that can’t be unseen, its clarity eternally sharp, I stared with horror at the current state of my existence. I’ve been absolutely living like a fugitive, and this behavior absolutely needs to stop!
“What are you lookin’ at, Eggs!”
Let the banners be raised, and all in favor of stopping unhealthy behavior, say EYE! And how do I know that this fugitive mentality is unhealthy? Because it limits the totality of the man that I refer to as me. It curtails my inborn ability to present to the world the best of who I am and what I have to offer. If I choose to remain hidden, it is unlikely that I will be found, even by my own sense of purpose. And why, you might ask, have I been living like a fugitive? You may as well pose this question to the eggs I was cooking, because I can’t see reason, although I have been looking. You recommend I seek counsel, to evaluate my self-appraisal. Well, I say, it’s as plain as day that I’ve been hiding away, and the only solution is to adopt a resolution to put aside my pride and walk outside.
“This Terra is Not So Firma”
Now walking. Now learning. Now growing. With a farm-fresh perspective, hard won through the many misguided adventures of an explorer without eyesight, I’ve arrived at the understanding that I’ve done nothing wrong. At least not wrong enough to continue living this life like a fugitive.
Thank you, readers, for returning again and again to read this True Story as it unfolds…
I’m in a familiar place. I’m navigating the transition between an earlier, less evolved, version of myself and what I am to become. My feet have left the ground again. I am mid-leap and quite uncertain of how the future ground plane will have unfolded when I land. If I’m honest with myself, it becomes clear that none of us ever really knows how it will unfold anyway. There are so many mysteries to be solved in our lives, and so many more that were probably never meant to be solved. An understanding of this universal truth has taught me to trust in what will be, because any other strategy feels like a struggle. This is the third major leap of faith I’ve taken in this lifetime, and the lessons I’ve learned while going through the previous two transitions will surely see me through this one. And so, I must trust. In my experience, all trust, including the trust I have that all will be well today and in future days, must be earned by taking action. The actions we take today will ensure that the trust we have for a happy tomorrow has been well-placed. Mid-leap is primetime to take action because the leaper needs to prepare for an optimal landing. After all, what good would a leap of faith do, if it ended in a crash landing?
To some people this may seem like a minor leap of faith, but I can assure you that it feels major to me. At 60 years old, I enrolled in an MFA program at the Savannah College of Art and Design. This was more than 20 years after my last college enrollment. That alone took courage and faith. The fact that I’m radically changing direction in my creative career is another aspect of this leap that made it bold. I’m learning how to direct films. I intend to be an independent filmmaker with a signature style. A style that expresses my creative vision while also connecting with a broad audience. I’ll be making films that inspire positive change.
Thank you for stopping by to read this journal entry! I hope you’ll consider subscribing to the Grand Providentia United blog. It’s free! Also, please visit my other sites to show support for the Grand Providentia Projections and to keep up to date on the latest developments in the ongoing creative journey.
Fresh Perspectives Harvested ~ Part 3 – In Conclusion
I rely on my intuition to guide me in matters of introspection and personal reflection. When my body, mind and spirit are in agreement concerning any new learning experience I’ve gone through, my intuition informs me that it is time to reflect holistically on that particular experience. Subsequently, I’ll often journal those reflections while remaining focused on any changes of perspective, and any new behaviors or actions I’ve initiated as a result of those changes in perspective. Some experiences take more time than others to process internally. The experience of working my body to the point of heat exhaustion for minimal reward, has been one of those experiences. My intuition will often need to remind me that it takes as long as it takes to work my way through an issue or experience. Through personal growth, I’ve learned not to rush the internal processes, nor try to force my body, mind or spirit to give up the proverbial goods before all three have achieved a harmonious balance. The common misstep of rushing to conclusions usually leaves me dissatisfied and displeased with my own performance in moving beyond the experience, and eventually, I imagine it could deprive me of food for the soul to the point of spiritual starvation. When any one of us sends out our intentions and then follows through with the actions required to bring them to fruition, we are not only influencing the direction of our own life trajectory, but we are also bringing change to the lives of those within our sphere of conscious influence. Intuition has informed me that it is currently time to finalize the internal processes and bring to an end the self-discussion of my experience with heat exhaustion in the here and now.
Work Before Play (1984)
In the first journal entry on this subject, I implied that the reasoning behind the acceptance of this menial labor job was complicated, and in fact, maybe it did appear to be complicated then. Now that I’ve processed the experience, I know that my reasoning was quite simple and easy to describe, but I was merely evading the self-worth issues involved, by attempting to dismiss them as complications. The problem with that strategy is that it affords very little potential for positive growth. With my intentions now set on laying this whole thing to rest, I’ll start with the simple reasons that I applied for this job.
I physically moved from Allentown to Savannah less than two months ago, but I had been searching for, and applying to, a number of jobs in this area since early June. For whatever reasons, the companies I’ve applied to were not responding to my applications. My ego kept trying to sell me on the idea that I was too old to be of use as an employee and that these companies were passing me by in search of younger bodies. While it is true that age discrimination exists, I prefer to live happily in the self-delusion that it does not apply to me. I like to imagine that I know my physical capabilities well enough that employers will be compelled to perceive my strengths simply by reading the confidence expressed in the cover letter I’ve attached to the resume. I know, laugh out loud, right? The other, more likely scenario, and this one has actually been brought up during recent interviews, is that I am overqualified for the positions I’m applying to. I’m inclined to believe that this is the issue that I’ve been up against, and if it has been, I had not previously been able to achieve clarity on what strategy to take in order to circumvent it. During the past fifteen years I’ve worked in an extremely specialized industry, namely the fine art sculpture casting industry. I’ve reached a high level of expertise in sculpting, molding, casting and finishing fine art sculpture. During the planning stages of making the move from PA to GA, I conducted a number of searches for sculpture production facilities in or near Savannah. Those searches were unsuccessful. So, while many of the skillsets involved in sculpture production are directly transferable to a wide range of design and manufacturing positions, they are so specific to the industry, that they are also a mystery to the majority of employers who are considering my employment. One way that I’ve attempted to resolve this issue is to pursue job positions that I perceive to be related to the skillsets and level of expertise that I’ve acquired, while also requiring that I upgrade my skills to include the specific range of expertise for the new position. To many, this may seem like a reasonable solution to my dilemma, but it falls short when I include the purpose of my moving to Savannah in the first place. I came here with the specific intention to attend a graduate program at the Savannah College of Art and Design starting in the fall of next year. It would be entirely deceitful for me to approach an employer under the premise that I am interested in learning the specific skills of their trade, with intentions to become a valuable employee, when I know from the start that I would not be there long enough for their training investment to pay off. There was a time in my life when I was willfully dishonest, but thankfully those days are far behind me. My moral compass is now set on a course toward progressive growth and healthy choices. I will continue to experience setbacks, I’m sure, but each time I recover from a setback I’ll expect to attain a clearer vision of the pathway ahead.
Myrtle Beach 2011
When I made the decision to apply to this warehouse job through a staffing agency, I did so with a few simple principles in mind. First, I concluded that a temp agency was the way to go because I was only committing short term. That, after all, is the nature of a temporary work assignment. Second, I wanted a position that was primarily dependent on my physical body with very little thought involved. I reasoned that I could use the bulk of my intellectual energies towards journaling every day, continuing my creative pursuits in growing the Alt Unity, and in making manifest the Grand Providentia Projection. And the last consideration, one that was primarily subconscious, but also of equal importance, was that I wanted to remain completely available and able to cut ties quickly in the event that one of the preferred employers that I had applied to earlier were to call on me to commit. Here is where synchronicity stepped in to validate my reasoning. Last Thursday, during my second week at the warehouse, I was contacted by the Savannah College of Art and Design, regarding an application I had submitted back in June. Following an initial phone interview with a staff recruiter from the college, I am feeling quite confident that this position would be ideal for forward movement on all fronts. I’ve not heard back from the college yet, but I know through experience that if it is meant to be, it will be. When I hung up the phone at the end of the interview, I immediately began to prepare for the possibility that SCAD would offer me the position. My first thoughts were concerned with my current residential location with regards to its proximity to the college. The SCAD campus is spread throughout the beautiful Historic District of Savannah, housed in a number of significant historic buildings in that area. It was my first choice to find a room to rent in the district, but I was unable to find a suitable room that was affordable within my budget. Right now, I’m located about twenty minutes away from the Savannah Historic District, so I am hopeful that an offer from the college might open the door to opportunity, making it possible for me to live in that vicinity. Between the time I finished the interview on Thursday afternoon and Saturday morning, I was putting out intentions based on my desire to live in the Historic District. And on Saturday morning the Universe cooperated again! My current roommate approached me with the offer to move out and follow her to another apartment complex that was about ten miles further away from the site of the college. She told me that she was dissatisfied with the apartment we were living in, and she wanted to move back to the complex where she had previously resided. Two aspects of her offer were problematic for me, and I knew by the time she finished her pitch that I would not be able to accept. Being aware and present in the moment that she was asking me, was key to my seeing the two issues so clearly. I could not imagine relocating further away from the place that I had intended to move toward, and I also couldn’t go along with her intentions to go back to a place where she had previously been. So now, I’ve begun the search for a new home closer to my heart’s desire!
For those of you who took the time, and had the patience, to read through this trilogy of entries based on my experiences during the past two weeks, I am sincerely grateful for your presence! Hopefully, now that I’m recovered from the self-inflicted illness, I’ll be able to get back to a steadier routine of writing on this site. Thank you for reading here!
Many moments ago (specifically in January of this year), I sent out a series of specific conscious intentions with the expectation that they would manifest positive and profound changes in my personal life. In setting those specific intentions, I also conjured mindful expectations to affect positive and lasting change in the lives of many others. At the core of these intentions was a deep desire to aid in the healing of our planet, humanity, and all living creatures that inhabit the Earth. In the current moment, where I am continually practicing the art of focusing my awareness, my personal life has indeed changed dramatically since setting these specific intentions. I also see synchronistic positive change in the world I am one with. I see positive changes in the quality of interactions I experience with others, I see similar positive changes in the way I am perceiving the natural world around me, and I also intuit a dramatic increase in my personal ability to love others unconditionally. Yes, love is the ultimate Source energy. Love is always working toward the manifestation of our most heartfelt hopes and dreams. In this moment, I perceive that unconditional love has the capacity to engender our highest positive vibrations!
“In the Silence of Trees, Industry Dies” – From the Hope Mill series.
In the next blog entry, I’ll lay out the specific intentions I set back in January. I’ll propose how those intentions duly manifested the current changes in my personal life and the lives of others. I’ll also discuss how these intentions might manifest positive change for our shared future.
When I first conceived of ‘The Grand Providentia Project‘ (about fourteen years ago), I didn’t title it as such. Back then, I presented the sculpture and the concept as the ‘American Dream Catcher‘. During those early moments of ideological conception, ego was still in charge of the lion’s share of my creative output. So, in my conceit, I regarded the title as being a masterful play on words; a clever blending of two well-worn phrases – the American dream and the (Native American) dream catcher. I took extra pride in the titling of the project, because in its clever combination of cliches, it simultaneously described the intended function of the artwork from its conception. In the here and now, the intended function has evolved, as has the title of the project. What was once ‘The American Dream Catcher‘ project, has currently evolved into ‘The Grand Providentia Projection‘.
“American Dream Catcher”-Then & Now-“Providentia”
The sculptural object depicted in these two photos is almost entirely physically identical. I made intentional changes to the patination and presentation of the artwork as it evolved into its current physical manifestation – the sculpture, ‘Providentia’. So, why did I change the title to ‘Providentia’? Mostly because profound intuition guided me to retitle the artwork this way. Also, when I researched the meaning of providentia, I discovered a definition that is true to the spirit of the entire project’s purpose. *”Providentia is the divine embodiment of prediction, foresight, and providence.” The title took root in my consciousness before I became aware of the definition, and so I knew intuitively that it was a divinely guided choice to make the change.
Earlier today, as I was meditating on the ‘Providentia’ project, I came to the understanding that what I once considered an art project was currently evolving into a collaborative, creative, projection of consciousness. The Providentia Projection is to be the subject of the surreal documentary “A True Story, as Yet Unfolding…” which I mentioned in the last journal entry.
Thank you for reading today’s entry! I truly appreciate your awareness here, and now.
*I was unable to find the original author of this definition, so I cannot give credit here.
"Grand Providentia United" 